Self come-union-in-ACTION Confidence is the underlying vibrational story of self.confidence. So, I decided to indulge and meet self.confidence, where my guidance signals its presence, my heart.
In an open, conscious conversation, my heart tells me, that my self.confidence, has nothing to with the THINGS on my list or the To Do’s I have yet to DO. I grow impatient, I want to know more, however, my heart says, “let-go you’ll know”. An interesting thing occurs, my brain begins to show me that my dependence on “what other people think and how many people agree” is my benchmark of confidence to do what I do, my work depends on other people come-union with a thought I have put out. My confidence, has since shifted into their actions, their emotions and my constant struggle continues to be “filling their emptiness” with the hope that they will fill my own emptiness.
Each time I fill their emptiness, a part of me filled up and then I began a subconscious journey of “filling empty”, contradictory to my intent, I was actually, creating more empty to fill and over a period of time, this has become a pattern. I seek, empty, that I may be emptied enough to be filled again… my purpose is to look for empty spaces and fill them up with some-thing. How has my gift played out in my life… I be-come that which EMPTY needs me to be and do what empty needs me to do and I be-come the emptiness it-self, till I attract another empty… wow, that does sound like me.
When my life was Empty of a Father, I became the Father to fill the empty space in the family. When the lives in my family felt empty of a mother (my single mom, needed to work) I be-came a mother to my siblings… each time a void arose, I filled it up… and may I add, I have no regrets nor have I received any credits, because, I did all of this at a subtle sub-conscious level. When I started working, I filled in an empty position in a company and I filled it up… and once filled (meaning, all things around it, in continuum of leaders emptiness… I filled up the emptiness and once I had filled the emptiness, I quit and as patterns of empty showed up, I moved. As I look back at my professional journey… my achievement is being able to fill up emptiness and empty filled to the brim.
This is the core of me… EMPTY and I understand, empAtHy is the AH of Empty! It is definitely a gift I have lived in Love and found purpose for 40 years of being Me. I see a pattern, 0-9- I be-came the filler of EMPTY in the family 10-19 I be-came the filler of empty for extended family and friends and all the socially empty, 20-29 I filled in empty professional spaces. 30-39 – I began emptying myself of empty till empty emptied me of everything it had given me… felt like I was being emptied to continue to fill empty spaces… this time, I was empty of finances, finances that helped me help others to feel better… I used ever resource to fill in empty… the most precious resource I used was me. I attracted empty relationships, I deeply filled them and they would walk away to fill another… as I look back, the fact that I was a turning point… was my “trophy”, now that the EMPTY shelf is filled with trophies… I am bored… yet, my default internal guide tells me, I am a succor for empty… that I will continue to unknowingly, without conscious knowledge continue to be-come that which EMPTY commands me to BE-Come ….
close to 7 months of being 40 … I realise, the deepest part of me is EMPTY to begin with… and self.confidence maybe the opportunity, I have been waiting to fill my-self again, this time, not with ROLE play of physical dimensions… maybe it’s time to be-come the vessel of Love and Gratitude in a way that I am empty of Me and filled with Presence and Choice, the words choose themselves to fill me and through their continued in-filling… continue to pour out of me into the word… filling the empty spaces of Politics.Gratitude, Money.Wealth, Brain.Mind, Masculine.Feminine… it is time to use the EMPTY for Eternal Light, Imagination, Forgiveness, Us, Power, Gratitude, Love, Wisdom and Confidence… maybe-this is the part I have been trained for all my life… maybe, every empty I have filled has qualified me to take on the biggest challenge of ALL TIMES… I don’t know, yet, but I am sure, if I have been given the training… there must be a Divine Plan I am being trained to FILL.
Self-Confidence… I wonder… where you are heading with this… or why you are leading me to EMPTY again… writing this blog is also a way to empty… right.